18 years, I’ve been living for
the past 18 years and never have I ever been so far apart from my family for
such a long time. I’m really, really close with them, to the point where we
share the same bedroom, the five of us.
We have nothing to hide, no
secrets whatsoever. We’re like soulmates, we get along so well, I’ve never
imagined that I would be away, like really away from them, for around 3-4
years.
It’s a happy news to have known
that I got accepted in Brawijaya, it really is. My mom and I, even my brother
who is always apathetic with everything around him, cried really hard because
finally, finally after a long struggle and endless tears, we finally saw the
light.
I was so overwhelmed by happiness
that nothing about being separated even crossed my mind at that time. We cried
and hugged for so long and we kept thanking God for giving us the privilege of
attending university
.
After quite some time, I finally
realized that I have to live apart from them, for the sake of getting a better
education.
I was sad, I am still sad, up
until this day.
I know that the reason I am here
is to achieve higher knowledge, a knowledge you wouldn’t find anywhere in high
school. But I still can’t help to feel sad, to cry over being lonely.
I’m someone who grows up in a
very close family. I am close with everyone in my family, not just with my dad,
mom, sister, and brother. My household consists of ten people, five from my
core family, and I also live with my grandma, three of my uncles, and my aunt.
Not to forget, I have six cats back at home.
You definitely can imagine how
drastic my life is. I am now all alone in a foreign land, a land where I don’t
even know the culture, the people, the places. Okay, I am being a bit too
emotional about this because I am not actually alone, I have a roommate and
friends from school but right now, I am all alone in my room so.. like, the
feels are like suddenly come crashing down on you, you know?
Jujur sih ini kaya sedih banget
bener-bener baru kerasa sekarang kesepiannya soalnya seminggu pertama gue di
sini tuh, mama masih nemenin, baru aja dua hari yang lalu mama pergi ke bandara buat
pulang ke Jakarta… without me…
Pas gue anterin ke depan kosan,
gue udah kaya berkaca-kaca gitu, air matanya udah threatening to fall tapo
masih gue tahan. Pas udah masukin koper ke bagasi mobil terus nyokap meluk tuh
baru gue nangis kaya udah gatahan lagi nyimpen air mata.
Malu sih sebenernya udah segede
ini tapi masih nangis kaya anak tk gamau ditinggalin mamanya tapi gue
bener-bener sedihnya tuh udah gaketolongan lagi jadi udahlah gue nangis depan
kosan gue yang letaknya di pinggir jalan raya wkwk
Mama sih udah bilang jangan
ngedrama depan kosan tapi kaya udah gakuat gitu soalnya gue gabakal ngeliat
muka nyokap setiap hari, cuma lewat vidcall yang gasebanding sama aslinya…
sumpah jadi pengen nangis lagi tau ga sih nulis ginian…
But I have to be strong. I am not
here to be a crybaby, I am here to study, to be smarter, and to make my parents
proud. I have to get over this mellowness and sadness, I have to be more
optimistic, I have to create a better version of me.
A Nadiyah who won’t cry easily
(even though crying is humane), a Nadiyah who won’t laze around doing nothing,
a Nadiyah who will graduate with pride.
I am here with some goals waiting
to be achieved. And I have to be ready to gain them.
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